VINEGAR

Jeff and I recently attended a Christmas party with all his co-workers. We enjoyed a delightful evening and all were merry. The guys were all teasing one another and during this I received several comments from his friends like, " How do you live with this guy?" and "I want to shake the hand of the women that was brave enough to marry Jeff!" You see, Jeff is quited the jokester and it doesn't stop at the office. After all the teasing from his friends was done, I started thinking to myself, "Wow, how do I do it?"

My mind then began to reflect on all the many pranks and shenanigans I have endured over the years. I started thinking of the time when I was cleaning up the backyard, and the sprinklers "mysteriously" turned on. My heartfelt prayers while kneeling by my bed, when suddenly a huge "Whack!" to the head with pillow. I started pondering all the Christmases, when he would go to extreme means to find out his Christmas presents. I once left the phone book open, (now mind you, nothing was circled, it was just left open) and he proceeded to go through each and every listing contemplating all the while what I might get from that store until - yup, you guessed it, he figured his present out. Or when he will tell me that he already knows what his present is, or that one of the kids told him, so that I really think he knows and then I go and spill the beans! AAAAAHHHHHHHH! I makes me crazy! I have solved the Christmas problem though. I just stick his presents in the closet, and then go and tell him how many presents he got, and that they are in the hall closet if he wants to see them. (He hates when I do that) Hee hee hee!

Yes living with Jeff has been a trial and sometimes I wonder, why - why do I do this. And then, I think of vinegar. Now, you are probably saying to yourself -vinegar? What does that have to do with anything. Well I will tell you why vinegar is the reason I married my husband.

Back when we were dating, we were on our way home from dinner and I had the worst stomach ache ever. Gas, grumbles, gurgles, you name it. All was not well downstairs. We were not to far from Jeff's parents house and he suggested that we stop and get something for my stomach ache. Now, I have to tell you I was not really excited to go in and tell Jeff's parents that I had the grumbles and really bad gas cramps. I refused and said I would be fine and not to worry about me. He insisted and said he would tell them that he was the one that needed something. I said okay and we went inside. I am thinking to myself, let's just get some Pepto and get out of here.

At the time Jeff's parents were really into all natural health supplements and all sorts of odd remedies. Jeff told his dad he had gas cramps and needed something for his belly. Jeff started looking through the cupboard for some Tums or whatever. His dad said, "No, no, I can give you something that will cure you right up." He then takes down the vinegar and pours about a half a class full. He hands it to Jeff and says to drink up. Jeff said no and that he just wanted some Tums and we would be off, but his dad cornered him and insisted that he drink the vinegar and all would be well. His dad was not going to let him get out of this one. I will never forget the look Jeff have me right before he drank that half a cup of vinegar. I was like the lamb to the slaughter. He was going to drink the vinegar so as not to embarrass me. (He also knew there was no way in heck that I would drink that stuff- no matter how my stomach hurt).


Right then and there, I knew that this was the guy for me. Here was someone who would give you the shirt off his back if you asked him to. He was a keeper. So, although I have to put up with a lot, (and I mean a lot), I will never forget that he took my vinegar for me. That's why I love him - rascal and all.

Christmas Lights

After 12 years of marriage, I think Melissa is starting to figure me out. She says, "I sure would like the Christmas lights up", my reply in essense, bah humbug. Being somewhat burnt out still from our Halloween festivities. She will wait a day or so, then tell me not to worry about the lights, and says she will put them up herself. To her credit, I think she would try to put the lights up, but inside knows that I will not allow her to stretch herself across the roof and ladder with staple gun in hand, not to mention they would probably not be straight enough or evenly spaced, darn the OCD. Needless to say, I fold like a cheap suit and enjoy a Saturday afternoon putting lights on the first level of the home, which looks great. But not great enough. Melissa then declares that she sure would like lights on the second story of the house, and that she would do it herself. She proclaims she will climb to the second story and lay face down on a 45 degree pitched roof, staple gun in one hand, lights in the other. I take a quick accoutning of the life insurance policiy and think... and think... then again volunteer my services. The problem is the roof. Very high up, and very difficult to get to in several areas. That was Saturday night. The next day was fast Sunday, and I do not know what Melissa was fasting for, but after church a friend of ours tells me he has a cherry picker from work and would let me borrow it to do the lights on the second story. Problem number two, the cherry picker goes back at night fall. Melissa agrees that the ox is in the myer, and we take advantage of a very generous offering. The lights went up beautifully, and I felt pretty good, despite living across the road from a member of the Bishopric, next door to a High Councilman, and having a surprise drive-by from the First Counciler in the Stake Presidency. Needless to say, I am safe another year in my humble calling as a 12-year old Sunday School teacher. I have to admit, as I stood there in the bucket of the TBL-5000, 20 feet above the ground, wind blowing through what little hair I have left, flexing the muscle of a two-ton 35-foot bucket extender, I felt a little guilty for breaking the sabbath, that guilt soon left and I thought, who cares the lights look great.

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night

Commonly known as BLACK FRIDAY

You've all heard of the dreaded BLACK FRIDAY, or the day after Thanksgiving, the busiest shopping day of the year. Most years Melissa and I have decided to avoid this day. This year we grasped it, laughed at it and took that bull by the horns.

Our shopping experience started with some basic recon work the night before. A new Best Buy just opened not more than a 1/4 mile from our home. Wanting to take advantage of a few items at the store I did a drive by at approximately 9:00p to find about 150 suckers, or shoppers already standing in line. I, at that point, did not like my odds. In looking through the adds in the paper that day, I calculated the hours I was willing to stand in line versus the amount I would save on my purchases. The anticipated savings was worth to me, at the time, about an hour and a half of my time. For the purchase I wanted, a laptop computer, that calculates to about $233 an hour. Worth the wait, so I figured. The catch, limited number of computers, unlimited numbers of people who are willing to sell their time for much less than I was willing to sell mine.

Back to my recon, 10 computers, 150 people in line by 9:00pm the night before the door opened at 5:00am. Like I said, I did not like my odds. At that point I figured, I had put up a good fight, battle lost. I went to bed that night content with a good nights rest. Not more than five hours later, I awoke at 3:45am with a need to enlist in a cause, with a renewed sense of hope. I dressed and drove to Best Buy for at that point, additional recon. I might add that I have never been one to obey the laws of order when it came to formal lines. And feel that if there are opportunities that present themselves to better my position at the mercy of the innocent, well, yeah me. I suppose that if I could cut in line to get to the pearly gates quicker, I may think about it longer, but would probably still take advantage of the meek of heart. After careful contemplation, I placed myself at the back of a now, very long line. That lasted about 2 minutes before my A.D.D. kicked in and I had to go out for a little more recon. My exploration, soon to be exploitation, proved successful as I happened upon a good friend of mine, who stepped in line not more than an hour earlier with his nephew who had been in line since midnight. Advantage Jeff, innocent and meek, zero. But I had a long way to go before I had my coveted laptop. There were still hundreds ahead of me.

It was now approaching zero hour, or 5:00am, the time the doors would open. I failed to mention that an hour earlier, vouchers for all the computers had been given to those who had spent the better part of their Thanksgiving and all night standing in line. As it approached the 5 o'clock hour, one of the meek grew less meek and started expressing his disgust at my lack of regard for his time. I find in times of awkwardness that sarcasm heals or confuses the soul of the less verbose. I think I confused the man and his innocent spouse, as they concluded with some profanity and their warmest regards that karma would find a way into my day and that something dreadful may happen. To his comments, open mockery and laughter, silencing the potty mouth and his wife. All along fully aware I was deserving of his abuse.

I ignored my new disgruntled friend and the doors opened. I chuckled as I passed he and his wife on my way to the computer department. At the computers the line was already endless. I paced around around looking for opportunity, and came to a young red-eyed man who asked if I was in the market for a laptop, to which I replied, yes. He was one of the meek who had spent 27 hours in line, who at 4:00am received a voucher for a computer. After 27 hours, he decided his time was worth $2.77 an hour and decided to sell to me, his voucher for $75.00. I gladly took his voucher and stepped in line to pay for the laptop, I wish I could say at this point that I was content to go to the back of the line. I had come this far, why stop now. I joined my new friend and his wife at the front of the check-out line, and completed my transaction within minutes.

I left Best Buy with my new laptop under my arm, wishing I could walk by the man and his wife I crossed in line earlier. Unfortunately, I did not. I came home with my prize to tell Melissa of my adventure. I laid gloating for a little while, wide eyed like a child before Christmas, and then dressed and left at 8:30am to shop the rest of the day, leaving our kids behind with my parents. After 10 hours of shopping, and completing nearly our entire shopping list, karma did not find a way to punish me for my cheatery, but blessed me with a wonderful day with my wife. Karma knew that I would be using this laptop, at this very moment, to blog. Which is a far nobler cause, I am sure, than the other vain imaginations the others were there for that day.

Soccer Saturdays

Our Saturdays...

With all three kids in soccer now, our Saturdays seem to be somewhat full. This is Allisons third year, and Samantha and Nathans first. Allison is a natural and loves everything about soccer. Defense and the keeper positions bore her, she needs to be out where she can run and score. Nathan is defined best as a happy puppy, chasing the ball along with a swarm of at least 5 other boys. Sam is happy to be a part of a winning team, and was disappointed that they only won by one point last week. Our current cooling trend makes soccer saturdays much more enjoyable, 105 and 3 hours of soccer do not mix.

First time blogger

So, my wife's brother, self proclaimed metrosexual, says that blogging is the new craze and that everyone needs to jump on the wagon. First and foremost, not really sure what a BLOG is and where the name BLOG came from. Sounds more like a throat disorder than something I need to get into on the web.

As my wife sits in the other room watching Hello Dolly, I think to myself, "what is more gay, learning how to blog or watching Hello Dolly," so here I am learing to blog.

I am not really sure where I am going with this, other than I am giving it a try and will see what happens. I may even try to add a picture or two.